i've been in a really strange mood today. it's kind of nice to be back at work again because i really need the money and it also just gives me something to do in the sense that even if I don't do anything productive at work, i don't feel guilty because i know i'm getting paid so i feel like i shouldn't need to do any work to make the time worthwhile or anything.

but yeah, today's been really weird. in the morning, i kind of felt like i was on slow mo the entire time i was doing anything, until it came to class which snapped me back up. yesterday, i just relaxed all day and watched dramas and i don't really regret that because I think i really needed to just relax, not be around people, which is very hard considering i live with three other girls who always just work in the living area. but i realized how nice it was to spend some time alone, which is really what i need sometimes.

actually, above all else, i really need to spend some good time with God. but after class today and during work, even though there are things i need to get done for tomorrow, like small group and homework, i've just been so spacy, meaning that tonight i'll either cram and do everything or i'll be doing it during work tmrw, the latter is the more likely case. i really should start and do a little bit of work though. i don't why i'm being like this. i kind of feel like i'm just floating along and just doing the motions. i don't really feel motivated to do anything. i don't even have an excuse because spring break just passed. i guess getting sick afterwards, i did not really resume normal life so everything's been kinda weird and hyped in that sense.

i think i'll spend some time with God tonight. i really need to. why can't i focus? i feel myself distancing and wanting to just graduate and get out of school already. i didn't have these feelings before but i'm starting to. i know the time is ticking and ending soon so what's a little earlier? at least, that's what's going on in my mind, not saying that it's right or anything, especially as a leader. i really need to reevaluate. i just want to spend some time alone. but everyday, it's people people.