annoyed

i think i'm getting sick yet AGAIN.

i don't even know how to tell my parents, especially with the cali exam coming up considering how i've really been studying on/off with that. i need to be more motivated, but it's hard because i'm so tired.

i'm really going to have to spend more time with God and lift up this concern to Him.

Heavenly Father, I know You give and take away. I also know how much I have been dreaming to go to Stanford since a long time ago. I was so excited to actually find out that I got in because of how competitive the program is. However, Lord God, You are Almighty and All knowing. You have the best plans for me. I really see Stanford as a complete blessing You have given me, a present. I am not nearly as qualified as I think I was for undergrad, yet you have provided for me in the past summers and You have lead me to this road. Lord God, I really want this and You know my feelings. However, Father, please, if having this takes me away from You or farther from You, please take it away from me, as difficult as it will be from me. Lord God, I need the motivation and the energy and the health to study and take the test. Please provide this for me so I can do everything in my power to prepare and leave the rest up to You, whether I pass or not and whether I can go to the program or not. Give me wisdom and discernment about this decision Lord. What is the most pleasing to You and how You will be most glorified, because in the end, it's not about me but about You. You know my selfish ambitions and reasons Lord. And I confess these for whatever reasons I may want to go to California that are impure. Lord God, I don't know how to be a good tool for You, so please guide my every steps. But in everything, let me stay focused on You. Please forgive me in my unfaithfulness to You but Lord, You really are so good to me. Thank you. In Christ's name I pray,
Amen.

Yeah, I hope my body heals soon and I hope this does not persist. This sick ness. I hope this is not an aftereffect of what my body went through during spring break. Prayer. Trust. Hope.