been meaning to post a few words about this and finally have a bit of time to sit down [i guess also to give updates to people who read this to know about my life?]

i LOVE the church i'm going to. really shows me to not judge a book by its cover or a church by its first service i attend. haha just last sunday, instead of the normal sermon we had prayer time for evangelism/the nation. it was awesome and even more cool to see this kind of activity done in the service of a English congregation of a Chinese church. quite rare really because it's more of a "progressive" thing to do but it's so important and showed me a lot about the visions of the pastors for this church [which i approve of]. their desires so simple-to go out and spread God's word to surrounding community-so biblically based. and they go about it in a practical way too. God has really blessed me every time I have gone away from my home church in LI. He found me a church with really solid pastoral teaching in Michigan and now here there's a great community at this church with a desire to know God more and bring more people into His midst.very different kinds of churches but I respect both pastors and enjoy both churches. really awesome/great stuff. i also attended the first woman's small group [and the second one is going on at this moment-but decided not to go today because it is quite tiring to go on thurs nights with school the next day] it was so good though, the first one, just hearing all the stories of how God reached into the lives of all these different women. I think it was cooler because everyone is older also so I could see the richness of their life and how God has pursued hard after them. it was so cool to see how God works to draw His people near and super encouraging to hear. wonderful stories. i did read the first chapter of the book, which was also really great introduction about the purpose of small groups and i can see that this woman's group is going to have a good year if they start off with this book because it focuses them on the purpose of fellowship in a straightforward way. reading this book also gave me insight into the type of group this would be. i mean with the program and all i am quite busy, so right now i do not have as much time as undergrad to commit to a study this late in the evening that goes on for so long, but if i stay in the area, i might go to this group in the future. only time will tell.

i taught for the full 100 minutes today! it was super fun. you know, i was so nervous in the beginning to start doing segments of teaching because the students are quite old and it was a bit intimidating. but seriously i get an adrenaline rush each time after i instruct. it's like i'm greedy for more. haha. i guess that's a good sign, since it's going to be my life? i just don't want to scar my students, though like they say, your students will always learn SOMETHING in the classroom. because they pick up things so easily, not necessarily academic of course, but they are very observant and are learning many different things in the classroom. as i hone my skills in teaching, once i'm better at that, i'll need to work on how to set up norms and what i think is good behavior for students and appropriate classroom culture. hm, more thoughts on that later. i guess that is one good thing about the program. with all this cutting edge theory and research, it really causes me to think of my own stance on it compared to the daily environment i see at the school. to give me an idea of how to perfect my craft for the best of the students. and though i wasn't the best today, i finally gave instructions to my section of the AP class, which taught me a lot about how the dynamic of that class is and how it is harder than i think to control them. i think next week, for at least two days, i definitely have to do some sort of instruction to keep them on their toes and practice for myself.

idealism

i dislike clashing in ideologies and opinions. even if it's the slightest little detail. and i know i have a tendency to want to be right because i like to fight out my ideas in hopes that i can influence the other person::note: i should change this attitude of mine, because it's not really a rational stubbornness and i need to be more humble and willing to learn from others and listen::

it's not that i disagree with the theories that are being presented. in fact i think i agree with many of the underlying ideas, but maybe sometimes it's the self righteous way in which it's being taught or the definitive way it is being presented, like there is no other option, which i do not necessarily agree with. also many of what is presented is exactly as i stated in the title, it's idealism. they sound all nice, but to really put all these ideas into practice is really hard because it's really changing the way you think. but maybe that's not the goal of the program. maybe simply they are trying to have a slight influence on you to get you thinking in different ways, which i definitely am doing from all the classes i've taken. and even in today's class, long as it was because of its repetitive nature, i do think [and am glad to hear that there is good research backing it up] that groupwork is important because it helps participation which reinforces the learning for students. i'm all for it in terms of personal experience of successful groupwork. and i agree with the overarching idea: it's all about the students. it really is and everything that is taught points to that. but sometimes i feel that it can go to one extremity, which may be dangerous. when things get to pc, to the point where you have to be careful of everything you say because you are perpetuating some negative stereotype or societal norm, that's what bothers me. how can we communicate at all in that case? i know we shouldn't be too careless because we only say out of our mouths what we think inside our hearts. but still. there is no final answer but it is a continual discussion. yes there is much we do not see so we should not assume of our students, or in my case, i usually assume the best. and i guess i can see how people who have been teaching for a long time and have seen lots of different students, how they can become disillusioned by the activity and attitudes of certain students. so maybe you shouldn't say "oh he doesn't try/" because you will never really know and that's a bad judgment to make. sigh it's so tiring though just needing to be so precise about what you say all the time. and in the real world with other professionals, that's not going to be the case. isn't the more important thing: well let's say he is unmotivated, well that doesn't mean we give up on him. that's the approach i prefer more. not to worry so much about semantics, but the fact remains that your attitude is still to help the student.