does anyone still read this? i'm considering to use it more to rant ^_^

i easily become attached to people. it's something that i realized about myself as of late. i mean, i always have a tight connection with my family wherever, but at the same time, i adjust really quickly to my surroundings and make friends that i grow fond of.

each time, people come to stay over my house for at least 3 days that i am supposed to entertain, especially if they are young females, i always feel a sense of longing after they disappear, like a part of heart was taken, a small part, but nevertheless some sort of emptiness.

i guess i really am a people person, no denial in that. maybe God has given me this trait so that i can move around to many different places in my lifetime easily and do whatever work needs to be done there. on that note, this resonates with what i said in my testimony, about how I think that I will probably never settle down too long in one place becuase i always like doing new things and experiencing different environments and starting up new programs. this can be a blessing and a disadvantage. however, perhaps God has put this flexibility in me to use me in many ways.

something interesting that maria, my lay mentor during my internship, said to me that agrees with what i said in the paragraph above. she said that as a leader, it is necessary that we learn to delgate our responsibilities to up and coming rising leaders. she said i was very good at that. i've always thought of myself as bossy and overbearing when i'm leading a certain activity, which is the reason why i do not like to direct and be the head. [then i get frustrated easily if something important takes a long time to get done] but truth be told, i don't really like myself when i'm in a head position becuase i become so easily anxious and bossy. i think i have gotten a tad bit better as time passed because God has showed me this flaw and helped me to work on it by relying on and praying to Him. and also, the spiritual gifts inventory i took actually stated that it was one of my strongest gifts, leadership. that opened my eyes and made me admit that this is what GOd wants me to do and it's not always that i get to choose the easy way out. but i think He really wants to teach me humility and dependence.

anyways, along the idea of delegation of work, when i heard about this, this sort of confirmed maybe God does want me to move to lots of different places in my lifetime. because i do like to get things started, that is my favorite part for those of you who know, and coming up with fresh ideas and inputting them in hopes they can improve some part of some system. however, i cannot just leave the idea hanging without followup. it is necessary that i work on it for some time but then i need to help input into raising new leaders to take over. so i can move on right? ;)

this is a stream of consciousness passage so my brain waves are sometimes going a little quicker than what i actually write out. so what i said above is just some late revelations as i examine myself and my goals/plans for the future,what i think God wants for me. i have such a fleeting heart and my burdens are almost all over the place. as soon as i hear one thing that needs to be done in some place, i want to go there and reach out. i guess this is considered as spreading oneself too thin, something i have always had an issue with. i think this is something i definitely need to work on and i learn from seeing the examples and success of others, which helps console me sometimes. i.g. i want my grades to be better than last semester so i need to work efficiently this semester as compared to last semester, not just wasting time. i also need to learn balance and not just to take everything so lightly. wow, this is becoming off track. although i'm not sure what on track is. more on this later.
i should sleep.
gnite.
-r.